Turning thirty

The problem with naming my blog 'a 20-something Christian' is what happens when you turn thirty! It's happening in January, will think of alternative names in the meantime....

The Art of Discourse

I have mentioned before, in earlier posts, my love of debate and have been thinking about what it actually says about my character and why I enjoy it so much.

My closest friends are the ones I can chat to about any topic and we're close enough to be able to argue about any given issue and share our personal views without fear of ridicule - that's the best definition of friendship. A friend loves to hear your views, is free to express their own and you both respect the others' right to their opinion.

The boundaries are obvious: never criticise a person's view, rather suggest alternative ways of thinking, whether they are your own or not; never insist on there being a 'winner' (something I struggle with!) and always be honest.

My love of debate comes from the need to question everything until I have an acceptable answer in my mind - a conclusion that I find understandable. I have not always been that curious about life. My Mum enjoys telling the story about when I was standing outside the House of Commons when I was a child and not being interested about my whereabouts, not questioning at all. On the other hand, she always says I craned my neck out of my cot when I was a baby, to see what was around me. I was a particularly nosy baby then! Either way I love to question and debate and am not willing to settle for easy answers.

A debate will always challenge me - the best require research and a full understanding of both sides of the argument. The worst debates are when the 'other side' are not willing to debate but are only interested in getting their view across, have no intention of conceding their point. They don't learn anything in the process. I find this when debating with Jehovah's Witnesses - they never believed I had made valid points, never really questioned their beliefs. I find this very difficult to understand. My own faith journey started when I was eight and I started praying to God who was my best friend when I was bullied, he listened and helped me. It was only when I was older that I challenged myself to see the reason behind my faith. I was determined it wouldn't be blind, but based on reason and fact, as much as possible. The very nature of faith means I cannot prove it but historical evidence supports my faith. It is not blind.

I love being challenged by atheists because it causes me to really think about my answers, what I do believe and how I know these things. It challenges me not just to accept what I have grown used to but to challenge it until I have an acceptable understanding. There are times when it is good to say that I struggle with a certain question or issue too - this is realistic and shows that not all Christians are prepared to argue silly and implausible opinions with zeal but are prepared to say that we don't know all the answers either. A proud Christian is a foolish Christian; a humble Christian accepts that there is a higher Being that knows far more than we do and still loves us.

Music

I've written posts before on favourite songs and their meaning to me but wanted to share my thoughts on music in general.

The music we like - bands, singers, genre - often says a lot about us and is something that helps define or group us. In school it oftens helps with the labelling process and determines which group of people you belong to. I never was very good at being grouped so didn't have a particular genre that I kept going back to. I've mentioned before that I have an obsessive nature which is often linked to music. The bands or singers I've obsessed over, over the last ten years probably tell you the rest of the story - I don't have one type of music. I've loved (and still love) various types of music and bands that don't fit in to certain categories. I will always have happy memories of bands like Take That, Boyzone, REM, Manic Street Preachers because they represent a part of my past that I never want to forget. Songs are the gateway to a wonderful memory. I remember listening to certain Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Coldplay albums at university; Take That classics while at primary school and Manic Street Preacher oldies while a teenager. Those songs remind me of the feelings, anxieties and worries I had at those particular times. They bring back memories much quicker than a photo can.

A friend I drove to New Wine with once commented on my eclectic taste of music - dance tunes, rap music, pop, indie, motown and bands he'd never heard of came on in the car and he was amazed that so many different kinds of music came out of my speakers. He loved it. I've often had people comment that they didn't think I was the kind of person to listen to Tupac and know all the words to rap songs. Music is constantly compartmentalised but it doesn't mean we should be. Songs are a great way to express emotion and that's what I use them for. There's nothing greater than shouting 'So What' by Pink when you're angry or admiring God's amazing creation whilst listening to Scandinavian folk bands. Life is all about change and music reflects that.

Programmes like 'Glee' are criticised for not producing much original work and copying, or as some believe, ruining already good songs but actually they encourage this appreciation of a wide range of music. They celebrate different genres including musical numbers and encourage people to step out of their comfort musical zone. They change classic songs and reinterpret them. I'm not ashamed to say I've bought whole albums of music based on one song that 'Glee' did and discovered some great music in the process. 'Glee' appeals to people much younger than me and I'm glad it encourages them to listen to music they perhaps wouldn't have heard of otherwise.

I love discovering new music and recently have spent a small fortune on buying albums of these artists on iTunes. Music expresses moods and emotions far better than I can, either speaking or writing. A writer (I think it was Michael Mayne) has written that music is the closest we humans can get to Heaven and I fully believe that. Music frequently brings me to tears, either happy or sad ones and I feel much closer to God through music. Music truly is the key to life.

The Fault in our Stars

I've just finished reading this fantastic book, written for young adults apparently, but I loved it!

On the surface its a tad depressing, with the main character telling the story while dying of cancer at the age of sixteen - well aware that the new drug she is on will prolong her life but not save it. She falls in love with Augustus Waters, also a victim of cancer and they grapple with life's issues together, while falling in love.

Hazel and Augustus both discuss the big questions of life (I've already spent a considerable time quoting the book on Twitter!) and I have found it brings up more questions than it answers.

I've always loved asking and debating the 'big' questions - particularly enjoying arguing my point until I win (I'm a tad competitive too!) but this book frustrated me because all the things I had thought I had settled in my mind have become unsettled.

The book questions the need to 'matter', to have meant something to someone else or to be important enough to be remembered - ultimately the purpose of life. If life is short, what is the most important thing if not to make a difference or to be able to declare to the world 'I was here'? The book argues or at least discusses the notion that no one is really remembered after they are dead; it points out that more people are dead now than are alive at the moment and when everyone around you is also dead - the notion of you, your being, is dead in conscious thought too (told you it was depressing!).

If there is no higher Being, no universal truth then what do we live for? Some would argue that humanity deserves to be treated with respect, that in the absence of Absolute Morality we decide what is right and wrong as culture and popular thought morphs and changes. We live to appreciate the 'gold' in life - art, music and nature as well as the frailty and beauty of human relationships. When we say that these things 'mean a great deal to us' we are saying that the "fleeting jolt of meaning" is transitory, that the only value of Art is in being able to pass the time as comfortably as possible. Do stories, art and music inspire us to change, emulate or just to simply 'be'?

Robert Frost writes about this in a poem: 'Nothing gold can stay'. Everything is transitory, our feelings of happiness and tragedy, nothing is felt permanently. We seek happiness and find we cannot keep ahold of it. Should we really be seeking to feel 'content' like St. Paul? Content in suffering as well as in great joy?

I have been told before that I will never be happy - and perhaps that is the real human struggle: the pursuit of happiness. We will perhaps never be happy as our 'voracious ambition... is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that anything might be done better and again."

Go!

The 'great commission' has been a recurring theme on Sundays at church for a few weeks now and has really got my feet itching to be involved in things.

As Christians it is very easy to get comfortable in our safe environment of belonging and love, without thinking of this commission at all. When we do think about evangelism we are led to believe that encouraging people to 'come' to church events, services and Alpha type courses is what we have been called to do. I've fallen into this trap far too easily many times; being very quiet I find it much easier to invite people to events rather than telling people about Jesus, that way they can learn in other ways - other people do the work. But Jesus' great commission isn't to invite people to 'come' it is to 'go'.

I have been so inspired at church this month by people living this in their lives that I really want to get involved and 'go' do something about it.

One man at church uses his profession as electrician to speak to people in their homes about Jesus, a group of people visit prisoners on my island, another group pray and help the Noise which helps young people lead and find out more and another group are starting Street Pastors on the isle of Sheppey. What is great is that all the churches on the island are joined together, all are united in their mission, which is fantastic.

Things are happening - a lovely lady at church said to me this morning that she believed God had led my husband and I to this church to be a part of this and I really believe He has. I had been thinking of other things, becoming stale in my faith and becoming what I have always dreaded becoming - a Sunday Christian. Moving to a new area left me unsettled and not knowing what to do or how to be involved. Though I'm not sure in what capacity God wants me to be involved, I'm going to involve myself in as many things as possible to really follow Jesus' command to 'go'.

Obsessions

"I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12 v5-10.

This is one of my favourite passages of the Bible - one that I go to often to remind myself of my own weaknesses and to help me with them.

Anyone that knows me well will know that I get easily obsessed with things. Thinking about this properly I can remember my first 'obsession' was when I was about 8 and first started watching Doris Day movies (ok, don't judge!). I remember keeping a list of all the films I had seen and which ones I needed to watch - I suppose my childish mind was attracted to the musical numbers and the ideal of love in those films. I felt the same way about Julie Andrews a bit later and would read all I could about her and watched her films obsessively; my favourite parts over and over again.

Over the years my obsessions have ranged from literary (Noel Coward), musical (REM, Manic Street Preachers, Take That), dead figures (Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Stephen Gately) and TV programmes (Glee, Ally McBeal, Jonathan Creek) among many others. Throughout my childhood, teenage years and now adulthood. When I moved house recently, I found all the evidence in scrap books and journals - all the scraps I had collected over the years - books, photos, cut outs from magazines, all there for me to realise I am a complete nut job!

I can obsessively listen to songs over a hundred times, watch clips of favourite bits over and over again, watch youtube videos and read about people like the best stalker, before I even realise what I am doing. I have realised I have more in common with a teenage fangirl than the average person of 29. While I realise that my behaviour is not normal, I still carry on. This is even more amazing, when I stop to consider how precious my free time actually is! Working 11 hours actually at school, then coming home to often spend another 10 hours at home during the week finishing school work, as well as housework and church - where do I fit in the rest?!

Those closest to me have likened it to a mental illness and this makes me really sad. When I stop to analyse my behaviour and realise what I am doing to myself, I can stop; I know I get to the point where I have to stop and I do. I limit my online access and physically do other things. I realise that whatever I am obsessed with has become an idol in my life and I stop it; I try to turn to God again.

But what bothers me, is that I keep repeating the same mistake - I keep getting addicted to things rather than God, I let those things take up my valuable free time rather than trying to make a difference. How often does God forgive the same mistake? Why do I need to have this in my life?

This brings me back to Paul in the Bible passage above. This is obviously my 'thorn', something that takes over if I allow it but when I stop and think about its power on me, it helps me to realise in a very real sense how much I need God. How much I need His grace and forgiveness; this keeps me humble and helps me to understand the drama in other people's lives. I have spoken to a few people on social networking sites with clearly the same issue as me, who use these things as an escape from terrible problems in their own lives. Although I don't have those issues I can relate to that need to escape - the obsessions are really just a way to escape the dullness, 'the hours' that Virginia Woolf refers to. What makes me feel sad, is that just after those things are taken away from me, I realise what an empty life I do lead and my motive for filling the time with these things in the first place.

I would love to say that being a Christian is easy - that problems all disappear, that you feel happy all the time, and for the longest time I thought this was true. Its only since meeting other Christians at work that I realise other Christians struggle with these depressing thoughts - God makes things better by giving you strength to cope, not by removing our 'thorns'.

Hopefully I can start to channel my obsessive nature into something else, something that I've wanted to do for so long - write a novel. God can give me strength in my weakness, of which I am not proud and don't boast - but I will boast in the strength and mercy God gives.

'The Monogamy Gap'

The book above has been recently published and has caused a flurry of articles to be written agreeing or disagreeing with the writer. I found a recent artcile in Grazia that was distinctly masculine in its stance and found it very interesting.

The book, although I have not read it, apparently purports that men are more likely to be unfaithful towards their partner or wife because it is something inherent in them. The book suggests that unfaithfulness does not mean that they love their partner less. This is the summary used as a basis for the article in Grazia, so I apologise if anyone has read the book fully and I have misinterpreted the overall message.

I find this extremely interesting. I have always thought that I am extremely lucky in that my husband seems the complete opposite to what this article suggests is 'normal' in men. I know I might be extremely naive in that I believe and trust my husband completely, but having known him for nearly 10 years, I have no reason to doubt his opinion, actions and words. Whenever he has got in a compromising or flirty situation with friends, he is always the first to tell me and relay how he dealt with the situation. He gets more propositions than I do, anyway! He is very aware of limits and what is professional and has a very clear idea of what is right and wrong. He is my inspiration in many ways; I have limited willpower (just ask my gym!) and he keeps me on track without being controlling or father-like. I know I am extremely naive and he advises me many times. I like to think I help him to be more compassionate and understanding towards others. I suppose these are the differences between men and women, generally speaking of course (you know how I hate labels!).

What interests me in this article is the inherent attitude that women don't like or need sex anymore than men; that men always need to initiate and that after marriage of a few years it goes cold. After conversations in the staff room and as well as with other friends, this is far from the case! More women now are admitting to having issues with porn readily available on the internet and this is no longer considered an issue just for men. The assumption that men suffer with this alone is ludicrous and probably stems from the idea that women are busier with the household and less likely to admit to issues to other men. This male writer in the article explained that he did love his wife and felt incredible guilt at betraying her with other women. He definitely didn't want to leave his wife or break up his family (he had children) but he also accepted that his sexual needs weren't being met and his situation would need to continue.

I love that love is always described as a feeling; something that we can't control and not based on thoughts at all. The initial feeling of warmth and fuzziness is great but that isn't love. I love Jonathan much more now than I ever did when I first said it, nearly nine years ago. I get more fuzziness now, I feel such overwhelming love for him because of what we have gone through together and what is yet to come. I know I will be with him forever and that is an incredible feeling. That feeling makes you put the effort in when things are tough; helps you to realise what life would be like alone and helps you to forgive more easily.

If the writer of this article really loved his wife, he wouldn't act that way. Simple as that really.

Not in service

We are now in between times: 'the last days' between Jesus' first and second coming. We are in that time of miracles and the Holy Spirit, where we have the comforter and convicter rather than just the law and legalism.

But what should we do in this time?  What is expected in this apparently endless time of waiting?

The preacher today had a completely new perspective on this time. He read the parts of the Bible where Peter, Paul and the others were mocked for their belief in the second coming. Many of Jesus' followers believed the time was close at hand; weeks, months or at the most a few years in the future. I wonder what they would think of us still waiting 2000 years later.

Rather than waiting for signs and looking forward to the second coming we should seek the reasons why we are waiting.

2 Peter 3:

"Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. ⁴ They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” ⁵ But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. ⁶ By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. ⁷ By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly. ⁸ But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. ⁹ The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

God wants us to use this time wisely; its something to be excited about. Which leads me to the use of the image above. So many Christians, myself included at many times, like to have our club and receive the benefits of Christian fellowship. The friendship, a place to belong, a place to worship. We have the 'not in service' sign up, its just for us. We need to share what we know and love, and perhaps take for granted.

And this takes me to my next image:

The preacher showed this as an example of someone who tries various jobs and tasks and always fails miserably. Someone that we feel warmth towards and find funny. The preacher likened Frank Spencer to a Christian that 'has a go' which is much better than someone that doesn't. This really encouraged me as I've often worried that I blunder through various things that I believe God wants me to do but I never feel particularly gifted in any one area. The great thing is I believe God was saying to me in this sermon that I am just like Frank: I blunder just like Frank but it is the journey and the act of the trying that makes the difference.

Looking back at the things I've endeavoured to do, I see God working in those things and making things happen. I know that those things aren't me, I blunder through them, showing that those things are definitely not me, they have to be God. Perhaps it helps me not to boast in anything apart from God, to keep me humble. Perhaps it is just enough that I try.

Labels

I've definitely had the idea of labels on the brain for a while now and I find it all very interesting so this post is more of my pontificating!

I've recently started going to a baptist church near where I have moved to and they have been looking for a minister for a while so have many guest preachers and a few regular speakers from their own congregation. We've spoken to every preacher after the service and the speaker last Sunday was very interested in the church we used to go to (Holy Trinity, Sittingbourne). He had heard of the church and was quite eager to talk about the church and New Wine (a group of churches that organise events and conferences). What I found almost funny was his eagerness to label the church, and hence my husband and I, 'charismatc' and 'evangelical'. He looked on us as kindred spirits, people who were on his wave length and perhaps people who would understand hs frustration at the way the baptist church was run.

I've heard these terms bandied about before without fully understanding their connotations. I understand that 'charismatic' means led by the Spirit and 'evangelical' as a church that wishes to spread the good news and encourage others to believe in Jesus as Lord and Saviour. But really do these words mean other things? Why do we have to have labels in the first place?

Obviously this preacher understood these words to mean full of vision and forward thinking. He assumed I liked a certain type of worship music and wanted to see the church do amazing things in the name of Jesus. And I do. The difference is I don't believe in labels. I don't believe Jesus was all that bothered about what His followers were called or described as, as long as we had God in the centre. One of Jesus' prayers that wasn't answered was for church unity and I think labelling groups of followers goes against that prayer. I think the way we worship Jesus is immaterial as long as we do it. The world looks at us arguing and disagreeing and must think if we can't get along with each other, we don't really have a clear answer. All the churches have much more in common than we think.

Speaking to other Christians about difficult issues such as homosexuality, women and marriage I have come to realise that I would be considered much more liberal than most Christians. But I just don't believe in pushing my opinions on other people or judging others. I'd much prefer a lovely debate (some may call them arguments!) and meeting people where they are at. The best conversations I've had with people about God come from listening to people where they are at and it's so interesting hearing people's stories. On Friday I was talking to someone at work about what they believe, which had come about through a talk about dealing with death. It made me realise so many people just want someone to listen.

People need Jesus and love, not legalism and labels.

GRACE: God's Riches At Christ's Expense

I heard a preacher on Sunday discussing 'the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God' from Isaiah, which on the surface has nothing to do with grace, but that's the part I took with me that day.

He explained that we are in the time of 'the year of the Lord's favour', the time between Christ's coming and his second coming when healings and miracles can occur and Grace is in abundance.

He spoke of a man he had spoken to on a train, that had commented on a flock of sheep who had marks on their back, given to them by their owner. The man  had commented that each sheep couldn't see the mark on their own back or head but could see the marks on the others. The preacher likened this to Grace: we often see the growth and Grace in other people's lives but not our own. This is so true of many things in life, we often see the great or positive in other people's lives but rarely our own. It got me to thinking how lowly I think of myself sometimes and how silly this is.

I don't actively seek compliments but its always nice to receive them! But I'm always surprised at them especially in a church setting. I always see things that I can do to change or improve things but blunder my way through and often believe I make a pigs ear of it all. I end up thinking I shouldn't have bothered in the first place, but still I persevere in the belief that I'll be good at one of the things I put my mind to!

I decided long ago that I should pray more about any decision I make, any job I want to start, any venture I want to take on but the cold hard truth is, God nevers seems to tell me what He wants me to do. I wait until I can't wait any longer then I jump in! And most of the time, though I have made mistakes, God has honoured many of my ventures, helped me to grow within them and I hope helped others.

Now I have decided to change churches and can see all the things I could do to help at this new church but what on earth would I be good at?! I could help with children's work - there's a huge range of children and young adults that go - being a teacher that might come more naturally and I have done this before. I could start training as a street pastor, as the church are quite keen for this (but that would be scary!) or start 18-30s types activities as the youth/young adult work stops at 25 :(

I always seem to plunge right in, but would love God to guide me on this. I would love to be able to see my own mark on my back and how God works and moves in my life more and more. A new house, a new year, a new church - a fantastic new stage :)

Ginger!

A casual comment in the staffroom this week made me think about 'gingerness' and all things associated with that; and its something that perplexes me.

I am ginger. Or as we like to call it: 'strawberry blonde' although I've never understood that term! A teacher made a comment this week that children and/or adults with ginger hair are more likely to be melodramatic. Turning to me before she said the comment she hurried the statement 'no offence but...' that always means the opposite. I made a joke out of it saying that yes, I often flounce into her classroom doing jazz hands. She did laugh, because actually that is the last thing I would do, being quite a quiet person until you get to know me. I'm hoping she realised what a generalisation her comment was.

It reminded me of all the comments I've had over the years about being 'ginger'. I have been asked if I am more likely to have nose bleeds and get overheated as I am ginger (this was in all seriousness because this lady had children with that experience); my mother-in-law is convinced I am more likely to be angry and irrate as I am ginger and now I am supposed to be melodramatic too!

The Christmas card above caused quite a stir a couple of years ago for Tesco - the last acceptable generalisation that they could get away with I suppose. But is it acceptable?

I am not in any way linking this to racism but it goes with the territory of stereotypes and generalisations just like racism. The assumption that people can be linked together in a group and 'understood' to be the same is wrong; just like the assunption that certain types of people are more likely to be lazy, athletic or successful. There are some truths to these generalisations I presume but there should never be that assumption when meeting people and talking to them. We should take people like we find them.

I wondered where these generalisations about 'gingerness' came from and I suppose they are linked with where you inherit your hair colour from. These qualities then I suppose are linked with Irish and Scottish people. I once spoke to an Irish guy who assumed I was Irish or had Irish parents - he was a bit disappointed when I said I was half Scottish (on my Dad's side)!

Growing up I often had 'ginger' (or later 'Ginger Minger') shouted at me from passers by or lads in cars and I often get it now. But I always remember my great-grandma who had auburn hair before it turned white. She still had a clump of auburn hair tucked behind her ear, which I always thought magical and amazing. I hope when my hair goes white that some of my 'ginger' stays behind. She always said to my Mum while I was growing up, that I should never be ashamed of my hair colour and that it was special. In fact, when on a school trip to Kentwell (a place where actors pretend to be Tudors) I was told I was special because my hair colour was the same as Elizabeth I. I felt very special that day :)