Priorities

I often joke with my husband about his job: he works at least 70 hours a week and it never seems to be good enough for the management team. Though he doesn't like this side of his job, he has got to the point where that's all there is for him; work defines him. He gets easily wound up about this as he has always wanted to change it; to change his prorities.

It seems in my joking that the roles have changed. I am now doing 70+ hours a week on my job and am still deemed not good enough. My husband has become the cook in the household and does more around the house now than he ever did and I am either leaving the house a mess or leaving it for him to do. Where did I go wrong?

I've really struggled to have quiet time with God for weeks (I've said it now) and my job defines me - they tell me I'm crap and I believe them. I wake up at 6 so have no time in the morning to pray and get home about 7 and do more work. Where is my time for God? Why am I having such a hard time? I think these go together; cause and effect.

The problem is I don't really know how to turn it around. I know I need to spend time with God, otherwise my hard day becomes even worse but spending less time on my work may mean I lose my job.

I will turn it around though and only God can help.

The still small voice

1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV) "The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After  the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the  earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."

I've always struggled to hear the 'still small voice' of God and keep expecting it to be loud and obvious - I know that isn't God's way but it would be a lot easier!

Recently, I've felt a bit out of things at church - I'm not doing as much as I used to be and I feel a bit of a failure in some areas but I think maybe God is telling me that's my time to be fed and 'listen' very carefully. I've always run about doing things when really I need to pray and listen.

I've been keeping a prayer journal for a while now and it really helps to look over it and see how many prayers that God has answered and said 'yes' to, that I can now tick off. I have started to use it to record any 'words' I hear, however small about myself or others. Its amazing how often God reinterates and repeats himself too, just so we can get the picture! In my last post I mentioned that God was pointing me towards certain Bible passages - they came up again in church today too - just to check I had heard the first time!

How do we know if we are called to do something? This is something I've never been sure of and to avoid doing nothing I've done everything in the hope that I will find something I'm naturally/spiritually gifted in. As a naturally quiet person I'm always fighting against what I would do naturally (which is hide!) and 'have a go'. Now I find there is nothing...

Someone in church spoke to me this morning, not sure if what they would say would be relevant to me, but it was. They didn't know anything about what I was worried about. They said they felt God was saying I was doing fine and 'he's really chuffed.' - that made my day.

Street Pastors

I had the privilege last night of praying with and for our local Street Pastors last night and thought I'd use my blog to praise and highlight the good work that Street Pastors do in local areas all over the country.

For those of you who don't know what Street Pastors do I would really recommend their website: http://www.streetpastors.co.uk/ where videos and news items highlight the wonderful things they do.

It was first brought to my attention when I read an article about the initiative which had started in London and had helped bring crime rates down in  the local area. Street Pastors generally walk the streets and help people who are out and about of a Friday evening and may be a bit worse for wear. They are famous for carrying flip flops, for girls who have taken their painful shoes off, and lollipops for that sugar rush that might be needed especially if you've gone out without a coat! They talk to people, build relationships with regulars and generally help. They are aided and known by the local police and bouncers of clubs/pubs so are working with and not against local authorities.

David Burrows MP has praised the Street Pastors initiative saying:
"Street Pastors is about Christians rolling up their sleeves and getting involved in practically responding to the problems of crime and safety. They are like beacons on our streets and I want to see them shining brightly in every constituency."

While praying for them at the church I attend, last night I kept getting Bible references that I didn't know. I could just sense that I should read Ephesians 5 which highlighted to me that that is what we are called to be: "Light to the world" as we were once in darkness and are now "light in the Lord." This is what these fantastic people do: we Chrsitians should be known for getting ourselves dirty and living a life of service that reflects Jesus rather than staying in perfect churches that are known as being unapproachable.

It struck me a couple of times that I was really privileged to be able to pray for them last night and see the hard work they put in; and God was very good: I was worried that I might get a migraine as I suffer from chronic headaches (recently getting 2/3 a week) and any change in sleep routine, blood sugar level or distance between my head and neck when I sleep, all trigger them. So going to bed at 2 was a worry but I prayed about it and I don't have a headache this morning - very pleased about this!

I really enjoyed last night so thanks to all those street pastors out there: you are brill and I'll keep praying for safety and protection on the streets where you shine :)